i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just cropdusted the office
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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