So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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