I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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