but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
