You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
