Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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