I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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