He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
