Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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