i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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