P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
