Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
