i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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