Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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