I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
