I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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