I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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