Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
