he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
