At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
