I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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