TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
