4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize