Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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