i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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