Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You can't motorboat a personality
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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