Welp...herpes.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
