it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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