we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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