yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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