i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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