ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
