Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
