do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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