small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
