i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
