Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
