I just pynch a tree in the face
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
