The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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