She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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