mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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