I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
