just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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