1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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