My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
