Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
