im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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