its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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