I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
