are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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