He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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