somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This is not my ceiling
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
