I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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