wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
