I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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