her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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