Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
