It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
