I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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