I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
