I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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