Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
