Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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