i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
