The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
