I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
