I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
