he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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