i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
