And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
