There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?