Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie