New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
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Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need a beard to bite.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."