Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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