I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale